Butts

“I’m somewhat the worse for - cake.”

For me, one of the strangest things about living alone is deciding how to feel about it.  For some reason, I woke up conflicted today.  It happens sometimes when I’m trying to take stock of my feelings early in the day before anything has happened.  Some days I wake up and I feel very content alone in my bed with my cat.  Some days I start making tea and breakfast and think about how much I miss my old roommates.  This sort of thinking immediately triggers a huge amount of guilt.  How dare I feel this way after spending three years waking up next to the biggest love of my life?  How is this possibly rational?  And worst of all, after a mere four months of living alone, I’m starting to get used to it!  I’m not very good at it, but I sort of like having a little more control over my life.  Additionally, I’m definitely a creature of habit and I spend a lot of time trying not to actively resent anyone for disrupting my routines.  It’s a desperate type of balancing act.  I cannot, in fact, have my cake and eat it too.  I’m okay with that.  But it would be nice not to immediately plummet to the bottom the second I start to feel okay with my current situation.